Weird stuff happens to me. I mean, weird stuff happens to everyone of course but I get the sense that I have particularly weird luck. And, I do a LOT of weird things, knowingly (we’ll get into those in subsequent posts.) According to the Secret Code of Birthdays, my mother’s inability to exert perfect control over her uterus is largely to blame but I personally believe my soul asked for this kind of life. The weird one. It made me me. And it’s taken me a long time to say it, but I like me. Quite a bit actually.
Notice I didn’t say ‘bad’ – although ‘bad’ stuff happens to me too. And I realize that’s also true for everybody else. Personally, I think the ‘bad’ stuff made me more me than the weird stuff. Or the good stuff for that matter. Don’t get me wrong, I like the good stuff and the weird stuff. I just think the hard-ness of all that comes along with ‘bad’ stuff is a sharper chisel, so to speak. A deeper and more profound sculpting tool.
Anyway, all this to say that I like my life and I like myself and it’s taken me a really, really, really long time to say it and mean it. That ability has totally changed my life. I really can be whomever I believe myself to be. I love my life because it’s the life I wanted not the life I thought I should have. I love myself because I’m the me I wanted to be – not the me I thought others wanted me to be. I feel really free, genuinely beautiful on a soul level, and truly happy for a lot of the hours of a lot of the days. It is a tremendous feeling. Now that I’ve gotten here I really want to share it with everybody – it’s so EASY! And wonderful. And hard.
I realize that might come off as a touch contradictory. Let me explain. All that crazy, weird, wonderful stuff that made me me, also gave me the fuck-it-ness required to stop giving any rats-anything-s and live the life I really wanted to live regardless of the opinion of others. That made it easy. Getting through the weird, wonderful, crazy stuff was hard, sometimes.
It was usually funny too.
Therefore, I hereby dedicate this blog to all people. Anyone who needs a laugh. Anyone who needs a confidence boost – because next to me, you’ll look like … well, someone who really has it together. Anyone who wants to grow, but doesn’t want to go through all the ‘bad’ and hard and weird. Or would like to go through that stuff from a different perspective. A weirder one. And a more grateful one. Anyone who has ever – or will ever – feel a little alone in the world when they’re standing on the dance floor of an ultra-fancy museum-wedding in their bra. Or anyone who would like to conjure up that image to make themselves feel better at their most embarrassing moment. (Confession: that is NOT my most embarrassing moment. It’s actually one of my tamer stories. One I can tell even when there are teenage girls in the room.)
I read a great meme on Facebook recently that targeted adult women and went something like this; “Stop growing up. Start growing wiser, and WILDER”. I liked it so much. I’m doing exactly that. Or trying to anyway.